Things That Have Made Me a Better Person

  Today was a day of major errand running. First, I had to go get my tires rotated. No, this is not a euphemism for something more fun. Just boring, old tires.

  Luckily, it didn't take too long at the tire shop, but then I had to go get a new phone. A newer, up-gradier, fancier phone.

  Yes, that is a good thing, but it took two hours. Two. Hours. Two hours with children who didn't get to eat lunch until 2pm. Also, two children who finally got to eat lunch at Chick-Fil-A, but then both had to go poop at the same time, leaving me to hang out in the Chick-Fil-A toilet for 20 minutes. 
  
  Do you know how not fun it is to hang out in the Chick-Fil-A bathroom with two pooping children, getting dirty looks from the other patrons, because both of your children are monopolizing the only two toilets in the women's restroom? It it is a very, very long 20 minutes, with the hand washing and the storytelling and the herding them out the door. Sweet, bearded Moses. 

  Also, none of the above was up to me. Which is all very well and good, but if it were up to me, I would have sat around the house in stretchy pants and watched Doctor Who. I'm glad one of us felt like being responsible today and I'm grateful that my husband made me take care of these things. Or a least I will be sometime in the near future.

  Since I had some phone-less, idle time on my hands, sitting in the office of Samir, manager of the Sprint, I started making a list in my mind and then put pen to paper. I began thinking of things that have made me a better person over the years. I could site the major ones, such as my faith or my children. I could get all Lifetime for Women on you, but I will spare you. I was thinking of the little things. The little things that mark you for life. So, I give you:

Things That Have Made Me a Better Person:

1. A Mullet. I had a mullet in the 6th grade. A permed, lesbian, gym teacher mullet with feathered bangs. You can imagine how popular I was then. If there is something that doesn't make a tweenage boy's heart go pitter-pat, it would be a hideously permed mullet. (Also, the Breast Fairy didn't pay me a visit until much later. Bitch.) 
   
  I can see my school picture clearly in my mind. I'm wearing a teal-blue, button-down shirt, my lips kind of twisted in a half-smile. I look 40 years-old as a 6th grader, actually. A 40 year-old, flat-chested, lesbian, gym teacher, to be exact. So, whenever I feel too cute, smart, or big for my britches, I remember the mullet. A mullet can humble you, real quick.

2. The Internet. Yes, the sinister, evil internet has helped to make me a better person. Aside from learning quite a bit about what not to do in life, or watching funny cat videos, I have also met some really good friends. Friends that have influenced me for the better, taught me things, made laugh, and helped me through tough times. Some of them, I even got to meet in real life. (Fancy Bitches Forevah!!) 
  
  Alright, I did get a little Lifetime for Women on you, but tough shit. This is my list and oh, shut up.

3. Being totally immature. I am definitely immature. I wear t-shirts and converse. I laugh at Spongebob cartoons. I read comic books. I play with toys. I don't own a business-lady suit or watch crappy, tear-jerker movies, or watch Oprah or play Soduka or Sadoku or whatever the hell that is. But,I can tell you what the colors of the uniforms on the original Star Trek series mean or what AT-AT stands for. 
  
  I don't do grown-up stuff very often. When I do, I secretly feel like I'm playing dress-up. Most of the time, I'm somewhere in between a 13 year-old boy and a little old lady. 
  
  Wait... what? That sounded so wrong. Never mind, that.  

  Anyway, I think it makes me a better person to be childish and nerdy because I don't get caught up in what other grown-ups are doing or who has what or I don't know. I used to worry about that stuff. I guess, I mean that now I kinda like myself. I'm a late-bloomer. 

4. Government cheese. If you haven't eaten government cheese out of a cardboard box, then you haven't lived. It's a little salty, but damn, it was good cheese. 
  
  I grew up in a trailer park in Ohio until better employment moved my family down to Florida. My parents worked really hard. We may haven't had the latest and greatest, but we never went hungry.  I know the value of bologna sandwiches and free church-basement suppers. But you know what? I also know that because of that, I have a glass is half-full outlook on money. If you aren't living in your Great-Grandma's attic buying stuff with food stamps, then you are doing great. Know what else? If you are, then you still are doing okay.

  Since the Great Samir of Egypt took only 2 hours to sort out our cellphones and my kids were running around the Sprint showroom touching very expensive electronic devices, I only got number to 4. But you get the idea.